INDEPENDENCE DAY

What a day to be in the beginning stages of reclaiming your journey.  It’s INDEPENDENCE DAY.  Last year on July 4….I was dependent.  I was dependent on the thoughts of “fixing” a failed relationship.  I was dependent on prescription drugs to make me “feel” better.  I was becoming dependent on KK to “fix” what was ailing me.  I was dependent on cigarettes.  I was dependent on anything that I could latch onto to “fix” my life.  Guess what…..it all failed miserably.  Nothing “fixed” my life at the time.  I was in tears all day every day.  I remember well, that I didn’t care if I lived or died.  I could have cared less about anything. 

Now…a year later, a lot has happened.  A lot has happened.

1)  The relationship is gone.  Does it hurt?  Maybe….sometimes.  But what hurts is the “fantasy” is gone.  The way that I “romantisized” (sp) the on and off again relationship.  The actual relationship.  It was unhealthy.  It was controling.  I let him manipulate me.  I let him take advantage of me.  I lost myself and became someone who was just a puppet.  The way he left was more uncaring and unloving than I have ever been treated….and by someone who claims that they still “care” for me as a friend.  I’m not sure that I need friends like that.  There was no respect.  No dignity.  And…..I appreciate being independent from that now.

2)  I was taking medications for depression, anxiety, etc.  All designed to make me feel better.  Guess what…they made me not feel.  I want to feel.  I don’t want to go through life numb.  Numb is great for the negative feelings…I guess…..but then you miss the euphoria of the good feelings.  The excitement.  The pleasures.  Now, I don’t even take an aspirin for a headache.  My body is designed to “fix” itself for the most part, as long as I am good to it.  Heck….I even got through a bout with walking pneumonia a month or so ago….with no meds.  My body fought it off.  It feels good.  It makes me feel strong and I like it.  I appreciate being independent from those drugs now.

3)  KK–what can I say that I haven’t already said.  I was dependent on logging on to my friends.  I was dependent on the promise of weight loss.  I was dependent on the fantasy that this diet would “fix” everything that was ailing in my life.  And, guess what, there was an ILLUSION that it was fixing everything.  Then….just as if MAGIC….I started getting notice….just as if MAGIC….I started gaining confidence…..just as if MAGIC….I was standing center stage.   It was no MAGIC.  It was Heidi…sitting in the director’s chair…orchestrating things that pulled at my heart strings.  Heart strings that were exposed in my journal.  When I found out the truth….that this thing that was “fixing” my life was FAKE….I was devastated.  Not quite as devastated as my failed relationship….but none the less devastated.  Now…..Now I feel strong.  Now I feel free.  It doesn’t matter where I am…yahoo chat, wordpress, LLVLC….anywhere I am…I am now Dee.  Dee who is strong and gaining confidence.  Dee who knows who she is and doesn’t need her the chord of her heart strings stroked.  She can stroke them herself (Now…calm down my CUJO friends…LOL…I still very much value your opinions, comments, etc…..I’m talking about Heidi…and her mentally manipulative ways of stroking those cords…the FAKE strokes!!!!).   I appreciate being independent from Heidi Diaz and KK…… I appreciate that she as a scam artist and a fraud….may very well lose her independence and I am independent from her scam, her lies, her fraud, her deceit and her manipulations.

4)…ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh…my friend the cigarette……Yes….we have a nearly 2 year love affair after we had separated for 10 years.  Guess what….you are filthy, manipulative, deceitful and fraudulent.  You lie to me…..Good grief…there is a common thread with Heidi Diaz…..Cigarettes….you let me believe that there is something “romantic” about a woman with painted lips and a long Viriginia Slim ultra light hangin between long painted finger nails.  You let me believe that in my social night life….I needed to smoke to have a reason to stand with my friends and hang out.  You let me believe that I needed to smoke at work….a reason to go outside and socialize.  You let me believe that as long as you were in my hand…food would not be.  CIGARETTES…you are such a liar.  All you did was cloud my lungs, make my skin look drawn and sullen and take my money.  That’s it.  And, guess what….I made a decision 2 weeks ago to kick you to the curb.  I have not looked back.  You are gone from my life.  A 2 1/2 pack a day habit…done….gone….kaput.  Guess what my payoff is…..Immediately more oxygen in my lungs…Immediately more money in my pocket, Immediately, I don’t smell like an ashtray.  Immediately, I got more confidence.  So….I am independent from you now.

All in all….I think this makes for a pretty good year of independence.

My words

My words and thoughts about KK, Heidi Diaz, Ducks and followers.   I have a few.  I’m not a leader, I’m not a follower, I’m not a conformist….I generally bounce to my own drum beat and so far in life, it has served me well.  So here goes.  Some wanted to know what I think…..Here’s what I think.

KIMKINKS–I think KK is exactly what many have labeled.  A nutritionally bankrupt eating plan that promotes at the very least poor nutrition and at the very worst….an eating disorder.  That being said, when I just questioned the “poor nutriton” behind the program, I had to ask whether or not there was anymore nutrition in my diet when I was eating everything in sight.  There wasn’t….but I was consuming more fats and nutrients, so while there were problems.  They were a different caliber problem.  Then I had to face KK at it’s worst….and it is an eating disorder waiting to happen.  KK sets the stage.  Heidi directs and produces eating disorders and/or eating disorder traits, that can take ages to erase.  KK is not a reputable low carb program and there is NO PROOF THAT IT IS SUSTAINABLE OVER A LIFETIME…..did you read that.  NO PROOF THAT IT IS SUSTAINABLE and in fact, from what I have seen, there is more ABSOLUTE PROOF THAT IT IS NOT SUSTAINABLE.

HEIDI DIAZ–I have never been at a loss for words.  I can not find the words to adequately describe her.  Any words that I have come up with “pale” as far as my feelings for her are concerned.  I have been priviliedge in life to have never encountered anyone like her.  I have been hurt be people, but when the dust settled I could see their motives, agendas or whatever caused things to go wrong.  I usually found a human being on the other side that didn’t really mean to hurt me…but in some sense, they were trying to protect themselves.  The old bite before bitten rule.  With Heidi…..I have found nothing human.  I have found more inhumane behavior in what I know about her.  (And, it has become clear to me that I have no idea the depth of her mental issues).  Heidi appears to be a smart girl…but she is actually not as smart as she thinks she is.  She is actually quite dense…because once you get to know her manipulations….you can see through a lot of it.  Occasionally, she will come up with something new…for shock value….and we do find it “shocking” until we really consider the source.  It’s shocking only because most of us have never encountered anyone like her before.  Example…what she did to Jimmy Moore a few days ago, it was shocking.  But then….once you think about it and WHO did it, it’s not quite as shocking anymore. 

Heidi—when you read this….AND YOU WILL…..I want you to know that you don’t scare or intimidate me.  (nor should I scare or intimidate you).  I know that you HATE me.  I know that I am on your list of folks to HATE.  Guess what….it’s because you know that I’m right.  You couldn’t get me.  Once I knew that you couldn’t be trusted, I was much stronger than any of your mental manimpulations.  You counted on the fact that I would cave to my insecurities, when you struck those chords….but I was stronger than that.  And…that scares you, because you can normally “manipulate” just about any situation.  But…you couldn’t with me.  So you “SUPERBANNED” me.  But…now…you really don’t know where I am…do you?  You don’t know if I’m in or out of KK site.  You don’t know if I can see what is going on or if I can’t see what is going on?  You don’t know who I talk to or what I say…because you can’t follow my chat anymore.  You see what I want you to see.  Things that I post at LLVLC sight or in my blog.  But you can’t see my email or my chat.  I’m not a computer teckie….but let me tell you this.  It don’t take much to get around your SUPERBAN.  The SUPER BAN is intended for one thing and one thing only….more mental manipulation.  It has no purpose in keeping someone out of the KK site…who wants to be in the site. 

Heidi—in a year….how many admins have come and gone.  Your running out of stories to tell.  How many folks have you banned?  The stories are coming out, people are lurking to read them, people are talking about them, and people are watching.  I told you that you were in a bit of a quandry right before you banned me.  Do you ban me knowing that folks are watching…or do you let me stay…knowing that I’m a loose cannon.  Guess what…..you may have chosen wrong.  I have many, many contacts from KK.  I am still in contact with them.  Now they are looking at other blogs, sites, recipes.  They are seeing the success stories and realiaing that your LIES are important.  That your failed diet program does matter.  That the fact that you are still an obese woman who can’t follow the program is important (BTW…that is not a slam on you for being obese….would never slam anyone for that….that is a slam about your lies about your weight loss.  You told me that you exaggerated your weight loss….girl…you haven’t lost a pound.  YOU HAVEN’T LOST ONE POUND….come on……get real.) 

Hey Heidi……I have a leak in my kitchen sink…..Do you know a licensed plumber who can help me with it?  I mean ….a real LICENSED plumber.  Just curious.  …..Heidi….wonder where I’ve been.  Thought so!

Okay…let’s see.  DUCKS and DUCK followers….First, let’s be clear that I am not sure who is by definition a DUCK and who is a follower.  I am “lumping” them…because I really don’t know one from the other at this point.

I think the DUCKS started out with a good purpose and that there was/is a lot of hard work put into their KK work.  I think the DUCKS have done a great job of researching things and uncovering information….very good information about Heidi…her scams…and KK.

HOWEVER,   I also think the DUCKS take themselves way to seriously.  Not that this is not a very serious issue, but many of them almost cross the lines into vigilante justice.  It’s right fighting at all costs.  No matter what the collaterol damage, they bull doze their way through this, not minding who may get hurt in their wake. 

The interesting part….right now….they likely are within “legal” bounds.  However, cyber-bullying laws are evolving and some of the DUCKS may very well get “stewed” should any cyber-bullying laws be passed in the future.  At all costs, many of the ducks will cram there thoughts down another’s throat.  I agree with the position of the DUCKS, just not all the tactics. 

In one state, criminal charges are being considered against a woman, who was a cyber-bully on Myspace to a teenager and the teenager committed suicide.  The DUCKS could very well find themselves in similar hot water.  I know that they have pushed me beyond all reason and rationale.  The have analyzed every word I have ever typed that they could find.  Dee didn’t dot her i…Dee didn’t cross her t.  

It has always….ALWAYS been a situation where I could please some of the people some of the time, but couldn’t please all of the people any of the time.  No matter what I did.  If some liked it…another would come in with a smart ass remark.  It’s a high school cliche at it’s finest. 

They don’t see it that way…but it absolutely is.  And unfortunately, they won’t see it…unless they push someone too far and that someone snaps.  Then they will stand back and “gasp”…what happened to her. 

The emotions of the DUCKS run very very high.  Generally, their target has some high emotion running as well.  But the DUCKS have to believe that theyt are ALWAYS right.  Even if they are wrong.  THEY ARE RIGHT.  The DUCKS are actually another psychological extension of this KK.  It’s a great lesson in human nature.  You can actually see when the DUCKS are getting bored and antsy because there is no new or great news coming out of KK or out of the court case.  I have even witnessed them turn on each other in the FWK thread, (although it is usually quick snips).  Some of the DUCKS and their followers don’t necessarily agree with everything, but they go along.  I have received emails from some that are either DUCKS or FOLLOWERS commending me for “taking the heat”.  This tells me that they can’t even be openly “true” to their feelings for fear of being alienated.  Many will dispute this….but it is absolutely true, or I wouldn’t get emails from individuals who extend a olive branch of support. 

Further, the DUCKS and followers can have an adverse affect on folks looking to leave the KIMPOUND.  It doesn’t take much lurking to see the “attack of the DUCKS’ and most don’t have the stomach to face anything like that.  Now…I have heard the DUCKS (followers) comment that FWK thread is likely not the place to come out too…but it comes up on many KK google searches, etc….so many are led there.  If that’s the first that a potential KK member is drawn to…..the DUCKS are likely loosing them right of the bat.  Some have followed me out and saw what happened at FWK and the blogs and turned tail and run.  DO YOU BLAME THEM?   If you are looking for a change, for people to change…you have a responsibility to provide a “safe haven’ for change….there is not a safe haven at FWK or with the DUCKS. 

Quite frankly, it makes me wonder if there should be two groups….DUCKS and ducklings…..or such.  One to nurture and assist folks trying to leave KK, (ducklings)….thus leaving the DUCKS to continue their plight against Heidi.  Much like domestic violence victims have a “safe haven” while the authorities continue in their investigations of domestic violence. 

We simply have not developed a way for folks to feel a sense of belong and safe.   This is where I see a need in this KK mess.  I see a need for a safe haven of transition from KK to outside the KIMPOUND.  Not transition from the KK diet to something safer….we have forums for that.  A safe haven for the transition from one support forum to another.  Many KK members have trust issues.  Not only from life, but from living their cyberlife inside the KIMPOUND.  Many folks outside KK (especially if they were not deeply involved in KK) think it’s as easy as not logging on and starting to chat somewhere else.  It is not that easy.  Not at all. 

I have no intention of debating my opinions and thoughts about the controversy or the DUCKS.  This is the place where I can journal what I think and feel about it.  I don’t have to explain myself here.  This is based on my experience and that’s all that counts in my blog.  There is no question that I do not support KK and I support Heidi Diaz even less.  However, I also don’t support the vigilante justice of many of the DUCKS.  I also believe that in the not so distant future…..there will be cyber laws….that may be in direct conflict with the DUCKS tatics in cyberspace.  For now….anyone that is in the direct line of fire of the DUCKS wrath is going to have to stand their ground and expect to be the whipping post for a while…or disappear.   I’m not one to disappear….so I stand here….and take my licks.

DEEDLYNN

To all my KK friends….& you are ALL my KK friends.

I NO LONGER SUPPORT THE KIMKINS WEBSITE, DIET FOUNDER NOR THE NUTRTIONALLY BANKRUPT DIET PLAN

 

Not sure if this should have been a page or a post, but I made it a page……what the heck.  I just hope some of you see it. 

You are still at KK and I understand fully the support that you get there.  I know that support is strong. I know exactly the kind of voids that it fills.  I know how much it can mean to someone who is looking for answers.  Not only answers to weight loss, but answers to other things in life that are topsy turvy. 

But, I want you to know something.  You can not imagine the pain that comes when that “blanket” it ripped off of you.  And it will be.  At some point, you will see Heidi for who she is.  You will see deceit and manipulation beyond anything that you can comprehend.  I doubt that any of you will leave with the firestorm that I did….or should I say get thrown into the firestorm like I did, but I’m here to tell you that regardless of how the KK journey ends for you, it is a grieving, lonely, painful end.   When you really see Heidi for who she is (and HELL, I don’t even know the tip of the iceberg yet), it is devastating…even if you have suspicions…Why, because most of us are average joes that never see anything like this except for on Lifetime TV. 

Guys, it is more than deceptive pictures.  It is more than her not losing weight.  It is more than a diet that is flawed with no maintenance program. 

I’m asking you to stop and listen to your own gut.  Listen hard.  Think about things that kinda made you cringe at first, but you looked away….because it was “working”.  You know…you can’t really post, pm or chat about what you want to because of fear of censorship.  You saw posts….maybe when someone was banned, just to look for it again and it disappeared.  Maybe Heidi is “courting” you to be the next success story…”you are doing so well”, “you look great”, “we have big things planned, so hurry and get to goal so you can be part of it”.  Guys…..its all smoke and mirrors and she is sitting back on her hind quarters and laughing at us.  She is calculating every move and anticipating our reactions to it.

Those of you that are yo-yo’ing  (and you know who you are)….your blaming yourselves.  It’s not you.  It’s a program that is flawed with unrealistic expectations.  Those of you who are beating yourself up “because you don’t want it bad enough”.  Those of you who are mentally exhausted because you just can’t reach the goal that you set for yourself. 

I have been beat up and beaten myself up for 2 months and it stops right here.  I am no longer a whipping post for those who want to challenge my every thought.  I am no longer a whipping post for myself for being so stupid and once again…”not being able to do it” “being a failure”. 

ALL MY KK FRIENDS– you have the luxury of being able to come out of the KIMPOUND with dignity and honor.  No explainations needed, just show up at one of the “friendly” sites and start low carbing.  Healthy low carbing.  Don’t look back. 

Now…here’s the hard part.  This is the part that will challenge you for a little while.  (Much easier if you are banned, but harder mentally).  DO NOT LOG BACK ONTO KK!.  I repeat…DO NOT LOG BACK ON.  Make sure you have your friends contacts, then leave that site and don’t look back.  If you do it that way, my thought is that you will have the control, you can step into a new low carb site, see some old friends and meet some new ones and you can do it on your terms.   NONE OF MY JOURNEY OF THE LAST 2 MONTHS HAVE BEEN ON MY TERMS–that’s all about to change. 

If you see this post….please email the link to your KK friends and spread the word.  Just consider what I am saying.   One way or the other, KK is going down.  It is going to happen.  Whether the authorities pull the plug or KK pulls the plug, it’s going.  If you leave now, on your own terms.  Maybe it will not be nearly as devastating. 

I’ve rambled a bit here, so I just want to bullet point a few thoughts…

1)  Have you ever felt censored in any format of communication at KK?

2)  Have you ever had a “gut” feeling about KK? (Please take off the rose colored glasses of rapid weight loss to answer this question)

3)  Have you struggled with the program? Did you wonder why an extra cup of lettuce was too much? 

4)  Have you really researched Heidi Diaz–or do you just accept that she “used a few fake photos” and exaggerated her weight loss? (Do not fool yourself by acting like this is insignificant) — For the record, I could care less if she lost a pound or gained 50….But, to sell a program that she can’t do–and never did do herself, then berate others for “not wanting it bad enough”.  The only thing she wanted bad enough was our money.

5)  Have you found yourself having thoughts about weight loss that you knew (absolutely without a doubt knew) were unhealthy?

6)  Have you wondered why, over the last year, many who have hit the KK spotlight have been banned?  Do you accept that everyone that was banned, just listened to the “haters”?  Have you heard anything other than they breached the TOS.  (For the record—I did not breach the TOS at KK, I was not offered a refund, and I was SUPER BANNED)

If you there are any of these questions that you can’t answer in a way that fully supports Heidi Diaz and/or the KK plan…you owe it to yourself, your friends and future victims of Heidi, to get out now.  Stop logging on and find a new home.  You are going to save yourself much heartache and possibly someone else.

I’m going to return to my journaling at Livin La Vida Low Carb.  I hope to see each of you there….where we can start a new chapter in our journey.  We can shut out and hopefully shut down HEIDI. 

I leave you with this.  I thought that I had some keys to the “case” against Heidi DIaz.  I have only tidbits to offer.  I thought I had some gems to throw in the mix.  I only had a few stones.  Why, because I had no idea the depths that this mentally disturbed woman had gone and will go.  It’s beyond just a money scam, its a sick and twisted manipulation for seemingly no reason at all. 

The christian in me…will always pray for Heidi’s soul.  The human in me….won’t spit on her if she’s on fire.  I use to be a good person.  She has turned me into someone that I don’t really like very much, because she has caused me so much internal conflict.

DEEDLYNN