Double Standards
So….it was made clear today that someone was looking for someone else to fail. It was made clear in a blog. If someone wanted to prove that they were taken advantage of, teased, treated poorly, etc., I guess they were trying to return the favor. What they did was a slap in the face to ANYONE in the weight loss community who has set a goal and not achieved it.
The blog indicated that two people had a goal of being at goal by their May Birthday. They shared the same birthday month. The blogger indicated that she didn’t make goal, but she did make a huge accomplishment since last year. She looks great. I made a comment that she looked great and it was sincere. Not sure why to make herself feel better she had to “challenge” the other person regarding their weight loss goal. I have a feeling it was so that she could be validated by the pack. I’ve said over and over and over again that if you are watching for someone to fail, then you are not watching for yourself to succeed. Maybe if she had spent more time worrying about her own journey, than that of someone elses, she would have celebrated her goal for this birthday. I had previously wished her a happy birthday, I guess with her actions, she is proud of herself and succeeded.
I’ve set goals that I haven’t reached. But I’m proud of my success. I don’t have to put someone else down to be validated in my success. At least I don’t think I have. When attacked, I have responded in kind..that’s true. But person to person…I have wished everyone (sincerely) good luck on their journey.
On a particular site, I have seen a lot of high fives for a lot of things that have nothing to do with weight loss. It’s something that they fondly refer to as “snarkiness”. There are a lot of things that I high five folks for….being “snarky” is not one. It’s not a respectable talent. We all have the ability to be “snarky”, but to actually use it and congratulate someone for using it. Well, ….you can draw your own conclusions about what it says about the person.
I would think that folks on a weight loss site, whatever the site is….would be handing out high fives for scale victories, non-scale victories and life goals achieved. I can see that in this particular case I am wrong (always say that I’ll admit it when I’m wrong).
We (actually I guess they) are writing to the blogger…doesn’t matter that you didn’t make goal, you’ve done great and you look great. And guess what…that’s true. I don’t take that away from her. But, then why is it that it matters whether or not the person she challenged has made goal.
Guess what folks….I’ve set a lot of goals that I didn’t make.
–I can’t begin to tell you how many b-days I was going to weigh less than I did the year before…(this year I’m gonna make that one–YIPPY)
–I was going to be a millionaire by age 40—didn’t make it.
–I was going to be a VP by the age 40 –didn’t make it
–I was going to have the house completely remodeled by year 5 in it….didn’t make it.
–I was going to pursue my Masters degree—didn’t happen.
Go ahead…ridicule me. Ridicule me for the sheer pleasure of making yourself feel better. Push me down to lift yourself up. Isn’t that what happened in that blog. Then, get the “pack” to high five you, to push yourself up and push another down.
To anyone who hasn’t made a goal that you set for yourself. I’d say admit it….it serves a few purposes: 1) it lets folks know that your human. that you tried and that you are still trying; 2) then what can they say…you didn’t make it…they didn’t make it either. and 3) when you are dealing with “haters”, they are going to hate you no matter if you succeed, make progress or fail. They are going to “hang you out to dry” regardless of whether or not you comment on your progress. But just remember this, their sole purpose is to make themselves feel better. It really has less to do with you and more to do with their self-validation and seeking validation from the pack.
I disappointed that someone who doesn’t want to be a victim to other’s double standards has set the stage of a double standard herself.
The irony of it…..the blogger sent me an email and told me that the person she challenged today (pre-today’s challenge) was really good at setting the stage for folks to bicker and argue. Seems to me that she must have been looking in a mirror at the time she wrote that, because the other person did nothing to set this stage, but the blogger certainly has. But one thing’s for sure….when she was looking in the mirror…she looked real good on the outside….it’s the inside that’s a little more disturbing.
Hoping that everyone is having much success on their journey. AND I DO MEAN EVERYONE!!!!
Dee
May 12, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Dee? I’m not sure if you are spinning what you read intentionally, just to get yourself a Drama Fix, or whether you have some sort of strange persecution filters in your head that twist everything around.
I’ve read just about everything you’ve said and had said to you. All I can say is, I feel very sorry for you. And guess what? We’re not the enemy. This isn’t an attack.
You are slamming AmyB for comments that had nothing whatever to do with you. Why would you make it about you when it clearly is NOT?
You really do need help, dear lady.
May 12, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Ex-Kimkinite….
What exactly did I spin…..there was an out and out attack on someone who may not have made goal. The original blog had nothing to do with pro-KK or anti-KK, it was two people who stated a goal. I’m not even sure if the goals were voiced to each other personally, but they were goals that were stated in public. One chose to “call” the other out on it.
I’m not someone who stands idly by on the playground when ANYONE is being bullied. That’s not me. Fortunately, at my “home site” [yes, I know some are offended that I call it my home site.], this doesn’t come up. There are many people focused on losing weight, not bashing folks who left the program.
There is no need to feel sorry for me. I believe in something that works for me and you believe that something didn’t work for you. That’s fine.
If you dont’ label what was said about me (which has nothing to do with the blog that this post is referring to by the way) as an attack. Then what would you call it….friendly fire.
The reason that I commented about the “blog” (notice I never referred to her by name, so only those reading both our blogs would be able to piece the story together–out of RESPECT) is because I don’t sit idly by while people bully others. If I did, in my own words somewhere else, I’d be as guilty as the bully.
You’ve really been able to give your thougths about me and my need for help…..but you couldn’t say that anything I said in my blog was wrong. I hit the nail right on the head. So in typical diversionary tactics you went fore me and my so called “need for help”.
My friend, do you have an credentials that would allow you to make that diagnosis over an internet blog. If you do….have you identified the others on the blog and at the other site, who are in need ….of help. If you don’t have the credentials to back up your diagnosis…then perhaps, you should stick to your chosen career.
This is not about me…..or my needs. This is about standing up against an attempt to publicly “shredding” of someone, just to make yourself feel good.
Again, what I observed was …early in the day….a post….I’ve got something planned for [her] for her birthday. I’ll be blogging later tonight. {my interpretation of bragging that she was going to really “get” someone good}….
Then a blog….then all the high fives. Just to attempt to humiliate and put down someone else. So what if the person challenged had posted the same thing. What if the person challenged had made her goal and then called the challenger out….in public. Would there have been a bunch of high fives? Would everyone have made the “snarky” comments about cookies, etc? or would everyone have stood back and gasp’d, then said, OMG did you see what she said to AmyB, that’s not right. She can’t say those things about AmyB. I think we all know the answer to that.
If you can’t see the double standard my friend, then you need help…with reality. For the record, I don’t have credentials to diagnosis anyone’s mental status over the internet or anywhere else. But, I’m just pointing out the Double Standard.
Many of the folks involved in these blogs and the site seem to think it’s okay to ridicule and attempt to humiliate others. They think they are sending a “message” designed to “save just one person”. But, the message really pales in comparison to the “snarkiness”.
So just to sum it up…..It’s okay for AMYB to “call someone else out”, but it’s not okay when someone else responds in kind. Kinda sounds like another Double Standard to me.
But thanks for stopping by….and Good Luck on your journey.
Dee
May 13, 2008 at 12:54 am
Dee,
I have really been trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, thinking you did want to continue with adult conversations. You have been very respectful to me in our conversations. But as I read more and more of your comments here and in other places I can start to see why others may have decided to just let it go with you.
You are chiding another blogger for taunting another person (of course you blew the “respecting her” by not using her name, by using it in your comments) yet, I see you have gone to another forum and are taunting others trying to get others to respond to you.
The reason some people feel this “other” person is fair game is because of what she has promoted in the past and continues to promote even though she herself hasn’t been able to do it. (or proven it yet) And is still taking money for a diet that has not been proven.
You haven’t promoted and taken money for how to remodel your home in 5 years, You haven’t claimed to have made a million by 40 and tried to sell it to others. It’s not about the goal and you know it’s not.
Is there any proof this diet is sustainable? If there is I’d love to see it, but there is no one that I know of who has used this diet, got to goal and not had some problem. The facts are, there has not been enough time to prove this diet works long term. Not even your success to date can confirm this.
If you are so adamant about what you believe, why don’t start your own forum and continue your support with your friends there. Why continue to support a woman who has no ethics? Then when enough time has passed and you are still sustaining, come back and have your nanana nana and I will be thrilled to give you a high-five.
I do not wish you any ill will. I do want you to succeed. And if you have data to back it I would even be willing to pay for your advice, but just as you go on about research and checking things out. I have to put the same to you, at this point all you can prove is you ‘ve lost weight, but you know there is more to it than that.
Best of luck to you
Wacky
May 13, 2008 at 1:01 am
Oh Dee…
I am shocked that you are so sure Heidi did not make goal. Why in the world do you think it is such a big deal that I said Heidi and I should post our Birthday goals or maybe as I did..I did not make it to goal. Why do you keep saying it was to humiliate Heidi..seems like you might have little faith in her…ouch.
And really…why are you so darn protective of Heidi anyways..can Heidi not fight her own battles?
If the worse thing I do to Heidi is ask her to join me is posting a bday pic and I admit in that…that goal did not happen…well so be it.
I stand by it…Heidi went on and on about Goal OR a big bday announcement…I was asking her to join me….
Gosh maybe Heidi really is scared and needs someone to answer for her..
Odd but sweet…in a weird way.
May 13, 2008 at 1:04 am
You know Dee…I am really surprised that you would question my inside vs my outside…that is really odd considering the bday e-mail you sent me.
You wanna do this..then let’s do this.
I NEVER said one rude or mean comment about you..BUT you based on defending Heidi want to make that comment..then by all means..you have made yourself VERY clear.
May 13, 2008 at 1:15 am
And if me saying I did not get to goal and was still working on it was a slap in everyone’s face..then you really are …oh never mind.
I love how you say I slapped everyone in the face trying to lose weight and has not gotten there..
Hey Dee…guess what..I am not at goal. I never said Haha…I am at goal and you are not. I said I wanted to be at goal each year and once again I am not…did ya read the dang post..or were you too busy thinking how awful it was that I woke up breathing yesterday.
Maybe just maybe you are the one with the double standards..
You go on and on about people being rude and yet I have never said anything about your except you looked good and I disagree about Heidi and in return you call me ugly on the inside and how awful I am..
That my friend is DOUBLE Standards…
May 13, 2008 at 1:42 am
Kimkins, past and present, is noted for bringing out the undercurrents in people and their relationships with others. Maybe it’s that starvation response just before it gets downright deadly??? Along with eating disorders, it messes with their emotions and mental clarity; so that nasty inferences are read into the most innocuous posts. The above is a sample.
May 13, 2008 at 2:45 am
WOW—the truth seems to hurt a lot of folks…..
wacky—I with some of what you said, and I hadn’t yet responded to your first post today. I appreciated the way that you presented yourself…I like the inserts of humor….because life is to short not to laugh. But I disagree that I was taunting others….I believe I said nothing to them today…until once again, they brought me in the forum. Easy to keep me out. Leave my name out of it. Poke the sleeping dog…get bit…It’s that easy. If that makes me an awful person…so be it. The reason I used her name…is because …I believe it was ex-Kimkinite already put it there. I was pointing out that I did not originally use her name because of respect. I shouldn’t have to start or go to another forum. Quite frankly….from what I’ve seen on most of these forums….I’m quite happy at the site I’m in. I do appreciate that in your posts you have been able to “leave” out the snarky and present your views in a constructive manner. I have already admitted that I have not always done that. But, the easiest way to keep me out of it….is keep my name out of it.
Amy—Yes, I did say Happy Birthday to you in an email. Yes, I sincerely asked you questions about Phillip, because I wanted to know if there was something that I could do…even if it was just doing a walk in his name. That was sincere. That’s who I am.
I am also someone who does not believe that the blog was intended for anything other than what I called it on. That’s what it was. I don’t know if Heidi made goal or not. I wouldn’t have know if you made goal or not. Quite frankly, I don’t care. If someone wants to share…I will be happy to celebrate their successes. I believe I posted a positive response to your almost being to goal and that the rest would come. As far my blog. I think exactly what I said in here…it is a double standard…the intent was to hurt and humiliate. I wouldn’t appreciate it if it were me, you, or others and I don’t appreciate it with Heidi. Who is anyone to judge someoone else based on goals met or not met. Who are you to say. Your purpose was to “taunt”, which is exactly what I have been accused of doing right here. And guess what, if Heidi had posted that about you in KK site…I’d have called her on it too…Banned or not banned. Your feathers are ruffled because I hit the nail on the head….. I don’t think I ever said you were ugly on the inside…I said it was the inside [what I am seeing in that blog] that was disturbing. Very different meanings. I never said you were awful….what was done in that blog was awful….I have done some awful things…doesn’t make me awful….And guess what…Heidi gets the same respect….she has done some awful things (admittedly), but she is not awful.
Talk about twisted…I never said that I thought it was awful that you woke up breating yesterday.
I may have been more accurate than I thought on the victim turned martyr comment…because you certainly had the ability to dish it out yesterday in your blog…..but clearly….when called on it….you can’t take it. Here in this blog…you’ve had to put words in my mouth to prove your point. THings I did not say…
I’m sorry that you couldn’t choose to celebrate your birthday and success in a more honorable way.
Good Luck in your journey….
Dee
May 13, 2008 at 2:49 am
thinny–thanks for your concern…I’m guessing that I couldn’t do the job I do…if that were an issue for me. I think I speak in great clarity…but maybe not. Starvation…I highly doubt it…I posted my daily food consumption the other day…somewhere and someone commented about how much I ate. So….thanks for the concern….if you have credentials that lend you to be able to diagnosis my “starvation” over an internet blog….please let me know…I might take you seriously.
May 13, 2008 at 3:04 am
Dee’
You have no idea how I spent my day yesterday…Um..I guess now you are the one who knows what and how and when everyone should do everything. I spent the day with my DH and my 4 children..thank you.
I am done with you. You are mean and hateful.
You did not ruffle my feathers..you pissed me off..and I know that brings a smile to you and Heidi’s face. GOOD for you.
And BTW I THINK since Heidi shoved it down our throats her FAKE LYING goal for over a year..she might of wanted to post a real effort that she made to hit bday goal..just like I did.
I really think you need to worry about you getting to goal and doing just what you are doing..spinning your heals.
Now..I am going to go cuddle up with my DH and watch intervention..it is about a girl starving herself.
Good Night Dee.
May 13, 2008 at 3:16 am
Dee,
I do apologize, I went back and re-read some of the posts that were before yours. I had forgotten that your name had been brought up again. However, your posts did come off as taunting, trying to get people to come here to your blog. I can understand your wanting to bring it here so you have more control and respond to comments as they come in rather than trying to wade through the other stuff. But your wording was taunting, imo.
Wacky
May 13, 2008 at 3:41 am
Wacky…your right….and actually…I began to understand it a little better with the post from CLEO out here….My posts to them came from being defensive…..thus the “taunting”. When I read Cleo’s post, she actually made some good points about the written word vs. debating in a oral forum. Gave me a little different perspective on it.
I have called others out for taunting. I’ve also said that I will admit when I’m wrong. The defensive taunting of VWV, w-zilla, and CLEO in FWK forum was wrong. I should have handled it differently.
Thanks for the post.
Dee
May 13, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Seriously. How old are you people? This whole thing has been blown way out of proportion, and all sides are acting like snarky high school girls. If you dont like someone, or what they are doing, ignore them! quit poking and antagonizing. it is unbelievable.
May 14, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Good grief, are you done yet?? Can we say DRAMA WHORE?
Quit reading LCF if those people keeping hurting your fee-fees. No one is making you read it.
Go put your head back up Heidi’s ass. That seems to be your favorite place to be.
May 14, 2008 at 6:59 pm
blah blah blah…..
you might have more credibility if you didn’t need to make up a new yahoo account to respond to my blog.
I appreciate your stopping by….if’ you’d like to make it known who you are….or perhaps even catch up on the LCF, maybe there can be a reasonable dialogue….until then….thanks for your thoughts.
Good Luck on your journey..
Dee
May 14, 2008 at 8:10 pm
i joined KK after seeing it in Woman’s World. i didn’t join because of Christin’s or Kimmer’s before/after photos and testamonials, i joined because i thought it was a food plan i could/would follow.
i honestly would not care if the KK site was to be shut down permanantly, as i’ve gotten everything i need out of it. i read the forums but i didn’t join any challenges or start a journal, mostly i just lurked. i don’t consider it to be my home site.
i do follow the FWK threads(i went back to the first thread, caught up and have been staying current) and some of the blogs recommended within those threads, that’s how i found DEEDLYNN’s blog. as for me, i’m interested in what DEEDLYNN has to say, and i hope you continue to blog.
i have this blog bookmarked and i will continue to read it.
i still have access to KK and i have started reading your journal there. i sincerely wish you good luck on your journey.
May 14, 2008 at 10:02 pm
weightaminute–thanks for stopping by and thanks for the post. Hoping you have a good journey too!!!!
Dee