Today has been a good day. A better day. A more controlled day.
I have been able to think through some things. Some things that really were eye-opening to me. It’s funny, when the panic of being off plan is put on the back burner, (by being onplan), then you have more time to really think through the things that are bothersome.
I still obsess about the folks that have blogged about me in not so nice ways. I still have a habit of every now and again googling my screen name to see if there is anything new. There is seldom anything new…which is good. But I sometimes visit the old blogs to see if I still feel that they are “wrong”. Yes, they are very wrong about me. But….the ones who don’t want to see that they are wrong….won’t. The others who know that some of what they have written is wrong, already know it and some friendships have developed.
The blog that comes up the most often is Medusa’s. Medusa has no idea who I am, nor does she want too…and that has to be fine with me. Actually, it is fine with me. Because of her passion about eating disorders is so intense…she can’t see beyond one act or failure to act on my part. Guess what….if I had it to do all over again…I’d do it the same way. And, that’s why I can sleep at night. It was not my obligation, duty, or moral calling to rescue a 17 year old. I was trying to save myself at the time. I was also not the only option at the time….but I sure was held to a higher standard than Medusa even held herself too. She could have easily have saved the 17 year old if she were that concerned, but it would have cost her her KK membership. At that time, I wasn’t ready to give my KK membership up. So…there were options. I was not the only one. I responded as honestly as I could and that was that. Now…if she had other issues with Heidi or Patti….that’s between her and them. But as far as me…she was wrong. I know that she was wrong and most everyone else that reads it…will know that she was wrong.
There are 2 sides to every story……Medusa thinks I’m a drama queen. I think I’m actually the polar opposite, but I will admit that the KK drama kinda found me and I jumped right in. Generally, I’m the one trying not to be noticed and in hindsight…I wish it had stayed that way in KK. But it didn’t and here I am. There are some people who make news…..I think that would be AmyB and me (LMBO) and some report it (as they see it) that would be Medusa. I guess that’s why AmyB and me are drama queens. And, I guess that Medusa isn’t hired by FoxNews where there is fair and unbiased reporting. LMBO again.
Well, enough about that. The way for me to remedy this situation is to stop googling my screen name. Nothing good has ever come of it. It brings up a lot of forums to which I belong. I already know which forums I belong too, so it’s really not necessary for me to google my name to find them.
Why does that make this a good day? Because anytime we grow more towards the positive and finding things that are positive for us …it’s a good day. (By the way…determining the things that are negative in your life and eliminating them….is a way of working towards the positive.).
Hope that tomorrow is much the same.
