My visit with the eating disorder psychologist today

I no longer support the Kimkins.con site, diet creator, nor dangerous weight loss plan

 

So, with all that happened this week….I met with my eating disordre psychologist today and I put everything on hold to discuss the whole….well..this whole thing.

I told her about KK.  I told her what I was eating.  The behaviors that I was habiting (which she referred to as rituals) and the controversy.  

I started the conversation with a description of KK, that includes, low carb, low fat, low calorie diet.  I explained that my calories generally run 800-1500 calories a day.  I told her the complaints that other people experienced following KK.  I told her about the lies and deceptions.  (But also told her that I wanted to keep this conversation about the program that I was following).  I explained how I felt about KK.  How KK came along when I was in despair and 100 lbs later, I am happy with my results.  (This is written from my perspective of our appointment…I don’t take short hand…I did not have a tape recorder and I will not try to quote the doc.  

Her response….surprised me.  I thought I was going to be defending myself and KK again.  That’s not what happened….(but don’t stop reading here–there’s two sides to every story!!!)

The doctor acknowledged that morbidly obese people and morbidly obese people need drastic measures to get their weight loss program going.  She pointed out that medically supervised weight loss programs that cater to the obese and morbidly obese sometimes resort to very restrictive diets. 

We talked about the program potentially being nutritionally bankrupt.  She pointed out that at 350 lbs, I was likely nutritionally bankrupt.  Because at 350 lbs, I still was not consuming healthy foods. 

I discussed the “no fruit”.  I explained that I was fine with that because some fruits were a trigger to me.  I also discussed that it has occurred to me….why do I have to measure lettuce.  Who cares if I eat 1 cup of lettuce or 10 cups of lettuce in a day.  LETTUCE was not my problem.  LETTUCE did not make me 350 lbs.  (what I combined with lettuce could have contributed LOL).   I made the same example of asparagus.  Why is 5 stalks of asaparagus the limit (I’m assuming that equals about 1 cup–have no real idea)?  Asparagus is not going to make me fat. 

Her response….indicated that the ultimate goal was to be able to chose food (hopefully healhy options) eat until satisfied and walk away.  No guilt  (Has anyone read my other journal….no shame, no blame…no guilt–I was/am trying to get there).  She agreed that I should not have to be concerned with 5 stalks of asparagus vs. 50 stalks of asparagus. 

I told her that I did have a concern at the little to no fiber in the diet….she did raise her eyebrow to that one.  I did explain that subscribers to the site discussed fiber supplements and amongst the subscribers there was a feeling that they should not be used because they have carbs in them.   She pointed out that she is not a nutritionalist…she deals with the mental/emotional part of eating disorders.  But she realizes the importance of fiber in a diet.

I told her what I saw on Cleo’s blog.  The food that I saw…the food that made me feel like I was missing something.  Something that maybe I didn’t have to miss.  I asked her about ATKINS.  She told me that she heard of ATKINS, but she didn’t know the program.  She told me that she would tell me what she tells everyone…the best DIET for Dee is the DIET that Dee created for DEE…because DEE knows DEE best.  Okay…thanks for all the help…LOL. Just kidding, but it was help.  She suggested that I sit down and decide what I could live with…not what would eventually bring me to the point of feeling deprived, but something healhty that I could live with.  Now…I’m not ready for that just yet….but as I discussed with her, the goal would ultimately be to get to a point, where I am maintaining a goal weight on my terms.  That’s an ultimate goal.

 Her main points about any dieting program, was that they can all parallel eating disorders..some to lesser and some to greater degrees.  She said that it’s about the rituals that go along with them.

  –restrictive eating

  –daily weigh ins (that has always been me…that’s not a KK trait)

  –constantly weighing and measuring

  –constantly journaling food (she believes that food journals are a good tool, but if you are eating the same thing for breakfast, lunch and snack each day, then maybe you can forgo writing them down and concentrate on dinner, that may fluctuate.

   –constantly “controlling” the calories.  ex.  I can consume more than 1500 calories a day.  Folks with eating disorder traits want to control that.  Folks that are “normal” understand that some days they might consume 1000 and some days they might consume 2000.  But, not everyday is a 1000 calorie day and not everyday is a 5000 calorie day. 

She did point out to me…that with 100 lbs gone…even though I am not near goal weight, that it may be the time to start transitioning (ironically that she said that with what is going through my mind the past couple of days).  Learning to add something healthy here and there.  Learning to not be so black and white with food, but seeing a little gray along the way.  (She is very aware of my all or none personality–she talks about it all the time.  Which is why my journaling sometimes refers to everything not being black and white…I’m trying to think in shades of gray.)

I honestly don’t know where I will find myself tomorrow, next week or next month.  I simply don’t.  The only thing I know is that tomorrow, next week or next month. I will be Dee.  Responsible only for Dee and the decisions that Dee makes for herself. 

I respect what the doc had to say today.  She only wanted me to see….that its okay to eat 1500 calories a day…it’s okay to bump it up to 1550 if I want to.  It’s okay to cut back when I need too.  It’s okay if I have 10 stalks of asparagus.  What’s not okay…is to make “unhealthy” choices and clog my body with garbage.  But asparagus is not garbage.  Guess what…..I cooked a lb of asparagus today (roasted it in the NUWAVE).  I have snacked on it throughout the day….and it’s okay.  (and there’s still some asparagus left for tomorrow…LOL) 

  I meet with her again next week….My goal is to be onplan all week….whatever plan I’m on.  LOL.  Because…it’s okay!

Dee