Another Day

Here I am….just another day in paradise.  LOL.  For some reason, I’ve thought a little more about Heidi Diaz today.  She’s not posting much at KK.  Is she working on her next scam.  (I’m thinking that she is).  This scam has about run its course as far as income I’d say.  I can’t imagine that many are “joining”.  It doesn’t take too much of an investigator to see the fraud for who she is.  I mean….anyone with any internet savvy at all, likely googles KK and sees a lot of what has been written.  So…I’d say that she isn’t there much at all.  My best guess is that She didn’t log on 7/18 and 7/19.  My next best guess is that she logged on 7/17 and 7/20 and had a total of about 3 posts.  Man….things sure are slow at the KIMPOUND. 

Now…she’s on my mind more…because I wanna know how her mind works.  How do the gears turn in there.   There’s something intriguing about it.  She seems to still be getting “free” advertisements or “weeds” posted about the internet about KK, but surely if there were someone to “court” at the KIMPOUND, then she would be posting there more.  Or…perhaps she is posting as a “fakie”.  Not sure….not sure it matters, because either way…its an indication that the KIMPOUND and the KIMPIRE is dying.  Not exactly the crash and burn that I may have commented on at one point….but more a slow dramatic soap opera-ey type death.  This would be typical for Heidi Diaz’s socio-pathic personality.   I hear the breathing slowing down.  the keystrokes become exaggerated, slow, deliberate and lingering.  Then they slow to one pecked letter at a time and finally…..the finally keystroke and the site is dead.  LMAO.   Yep…a dramatic Romeo and Juliet type ending.  The curtain goes down, the lights go out and silence fills the space.    Now…this is normally the place where I would say….no shame, no blame, no guilt….may it R.I.P., but in all reality, this KK thing will never R.I.P.   This scam may be just as big in the “scam” industry as Mary Kay Ash was in the home based sales/cosmetics industry.  That means a LIFETIME movie.  From what I’ve seen….it sure has the drama for a LIFETIME movie.  And, there are other facets of this that I haven’t even seen talked about yet.  They may have been addressed, but I haven’t seen it.  For example, does the Russian Mail Order Bride have a case against Heidi Diaz for using her likeness without permission.  That’s a valid civil suit.  What about the company that promotes the Russian models…have they been notified, that someone was using their models likeness.  Seems to me that that could be more legal problems for Heidi.  I chuckle to think about it.  You can’t use someone’s image without there permission, especially for the purpose of profit.  Just curious.  Makes me smile to think about it…because for all the smarts that Heidi has in mentally manipulating people……she is very very ignorant to all the laws that she has broken.  She may get an education on that before its all over.

The funny thing to me too…..I would imagine that Heidi has now labeled me a “hater”.  I’m not sure that I’m a hater.  I’m intrigued.  I’m now independent.  Do I hate Heidi Diaz…..no not really.  I’m indifferent to her.  I hope she gets what’s coming to her….but I don’t hate her. 

Oh well….it’s slow in the KIMPOUND, the news is slow outside the KIMPOUND….so I’m doing what I do best…pondering and reflecting.  Now off to bed….I will probably have dreams of Heidi and Delaney drinking poison like Romeo & Juliet on a quieted stage before a gasping audience (of 1 sock puppet).  The backhands to their foreheads and a soft collapse to the ground…the lights will dim and the curtain will fall.  Then the room will be filled with the sound of quacking ducks…(I mean appplause—HEY IT’S MY DREAM).  LOL.

A good day

Today has been a good day.  A better day.  A more controlled day. 

I have been able to think through some things.  Some things that really were eye-opening to me.  It’s funny, when the panic of being off plan is put on the back burner, (by being onplan), then you have more time to really think through the things that are bothersome.

I still obsess about the folks that have blogged about me in not so nice ways.  I still have a habit of every now and again googling my screen name to see if there is anything new.  There is seldom anything new…which is good.  But I sometimes visit the old blogs to see if I still feel that they are “wrong”.  Yes, they are very wrong about me.  But….the ones who don’t want to see that they are wrong….won’t.  The others who know that some of what they have written is wrong, already know it and some friendships have developed. 

The blog that comes up the most often is Medusa’s.  Medusa has no idea who I am, nor does she want too…and that has to be fine with me.  Actually, it is fine with me.  Because of her passion about eating disorders is so intense…she can’t see beyond one act or failure to act on my part.  Guess what….if I had it to do all over again…I’d do it the same way.  And, that’s why I can sleep at night.  It was not my obligation, duty, or moral calling to rescue a 17 year old.  I was trying to save myself at the time.  I was also not the only option at the time….but I sure was held to a higher standard than Medusa even held herself too.  She could have easily have saved the 17 year old if she were that concerned, but it would have cost her her KK membership.  At that time, I wasn’t ready to give my KK membership up.  So…there were options.  I was not the only one.  I responded as honestly as I could and that was that.  Now…if she had other issues with Heidi or Patti….that’s between her and them.  But as far as me…she was wrong.  I know that she was wrong and most everyone else that reads it…will know that she was wrong. 

There are 2 sides to every story……Medusa thinks I’m a drama queen.  I think I’m actually the polar opposite, but I will admit that the KK drama kinda found me and I jumped right in.  Generally, I’m the one trying not to be noticed and in hindsight…I wish it had stayed that way in KK.  But it didn’t and here I am.  There are some people who make news…..I think that would be AmyB and me  (LMBO) and some report it (as they see it) that would be Medusa.  I guess that’s why AmyB and me are drama queens.  And, I guess that Medusa isn’t hired by FoxNews where there is fair and unbiased reporting.  LMBO again.

Well, enough about that.  The way for me to remedy this situation is to stop googling my screen name.  Nothing good has ever come of it.  It brings up a lot of forums to which I belong. I already know which forums I belong too, so it’s really not necessary for me to google my name to find them.

Why does that make this a good day?  Because anytime we grow more towards the positive and finding things that are positive for us …it’s a good day.  (By the way…determining the things that are negative in your life and eliminating them….is a way of working towards the positive.).

Hope that tomorrow is much the same.

I’m back

I’m back and I have no idea what I’m doing…other than doing something that I enjoy….and seems to help me on this journey….WRITING.

Not sure what direction this post is going to take, because I just came home from vacation, which while it was very fun….was very emotional for me.  And, I don’t know why.   But I do know that I have to get it out of me and here is where I have to do it. 

First,  Gary has been all over my mind.  I’m worried about him.  I’m not sure what’s up with him.  Not sure if he’s okay.  Not sure of anything about Gary anymore.  But Gary hurt me and hurt me worse than just about any human being on the face of this earth could do.   I wish I could stop caring, but I can’t.  And, I’m worried about him.  But, that’s all I can do…I can’t reach out to him.  I can’t do anything else for or about him.  So I’m left with him in my mind…and all the hurt that he dished out.  He has no idea what he even did…but it really doesn’t matter and isn’t worth hashing over at this time. 

Second….HEIDI….Everyday…I sit and think about Heidi and what she did and how she was able to do it.  Did she get special training.  How on earth did an obese woman who doesn’t appear to have any special “real” talent…how did she do it?  I smile when I think about it.  Why…..because she wants to hurt me….but she can’t.  She is powerless to me.  I took my power back.  Do I think about it?  Sure….it’s intriguing thinking about her and all the dynamics that are created by her actions.  It’s really wild.  I mean it brings out so many dynamics…from those that just shrug her off as a nobody who scammed some folks out of $60 each to others who are OBSESSED with bringing her down.  Those who want to talk about her all the time and others who are content to just get the updated information and go about there day.  Folks who engage in vigilante justice and others who patiently await the outcome.  Some folks have their passive-aggresssive buttons pushed.  Others who are vicious.  Some are compassionate.  And…some who even still suppport her.   But……if you really really really look at her supporters.  They are not supporting her.  They are supporting their right to choose.  Now…before you challenge this statement.  Go out and read what her supporters are writing.  No one ever writes anything in support of Heidi Diaz.  They write that they have the right to chose there WOE.  They write that they have the right to their choice and they try to support their choice…but there is no real support for Heidi Diaz.  She is standing very much alone right now.  Well, alone except for her paid legal attendants.  She is friendless.  She is exactly what she is.  an obese, lonely, woman and she can’t stop the trainwreck.  Well, she can…..but either she can’t swallow her pride and arrogance long enough to stop it…or she is to ignorant to stop it.  I’m not sure which….but I don’t picture her as an ignorant woman.  I’d actually love to chat with her.  Mostly out of amazement.  I’d like to pick up my phone one day and hear a voice on the other end that says…hey Dee…it’s Heidi.  Not sure what I’d say back….but I really think it would be a conversation.  What the heck gave you this idea?  Did it seem like a good idea?  Did you think people would get hurt or were you just scamming without thinking? 

I’ve met people who prefer to just move on with their lives and others who can’t seem to keep away from this story. 

For me…this story is part of my journey.   At this point in time, it’s a bigger part of my story than the LAPBAND, why…..because I learned so much from this experience.  I learned how easy it is to develop a “cult” like mentality.  I learned that eating disorders are real.  I learned that people are “fake nice”…(I’d be talking about Heidi there).  I learned that I am vulnerable and that in order to continue on the weight loss journey, I need to remain vulnerable.  At 350 lbs I had no vulnerabilities, I didn’t let people see enough of me to develop a vulnerable spot.

Finally, those cyber-bullies out there.  They are there.  They can call it whatever they want and justify it anyway they see fit.  It’s what they are.  Guess what.  you can’t ever satisfy a bully and I’m done trying.  From here forward, this is where I will be discussing my journey.  Here and my journal at Livin La Vida Low Carb.  I only need to please me here, no one else.   There is no cyber-blackmail here or at Living La Vida Low carb, nor is there cyber-bullying, stalking, antagonizing, etc. 

Thanks to all the supporters that I have had…you know who you are…you know why you are important to me.  I’m not going to list all of you for the risk of leaving one out.   But….you are very important in my journey and you will never be forgotten.

NOW ON WITH THE SHOW!